I was suddenly filled with a sense of indescribable pain. It wasn't a pain within me, but a pain that came into me. I went to Mt E. yesterday for my practicum and spent a day in the behavioural ward. I witnessed patients going through ECT, and I wondered what went through their mind. While Dr Tan mentioned that they were just knocked unconscious because of the anesthetic jab, I can't help feeling the urge to see what was on their mind, what lies in the memory.

Memories are the second precious thing that we hold on to next to the experience. They can actually be tangible when I get really imaginative. I was just submarining on Facebook when I saw a friend's profile. A long-time JC friend. There was this weird feeling in me when I saw the profile. It seems like he is in pain and is hurting real badly. Of course, that is not my business anymore, or rather, not my business. Still, I felt uncomfortable.

I have been thinking for the past few days on what love means. It could be stress, but I feel myself extricating from it on a subconscious level. While I have no call to complain or feel even the slightest tinge of disatsfaction, I find myself panicking everytime my imagination runs wild. On one hand, I worry about getting hurt. On the other, I worry that my worry hurts people. Then, I worry that the very worry I feel is what that will bring me to where I fear. And I realised I have more than a pair of hands and my hands carry more than they should be carrying.

Like what Edgar Allan Poe said, we loved with a love that was more than love.

And that is the scary part.