Doings of Weakling

Let's pretend and pretend we are not pretending,
think, and think that we have not thought,
feel and then feel that we have not felt,
forget and then forget what we have forgotten.

In the attempt to cope with earlier situations, we hypnotized ourselves into that passive position.

This could be the best mechanism.

Quoting Henry Ford, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right."

My strength will not allow me that and I will get past that dark alley even if I get whacked without knowing the reason why or who did it, I will crawl out of it.

For no injuries match the emotional emancipation.

I will walk it and walk it proud.

The first content-based lecture left me thirsty for more knowledge from the Counselling class. Human Development talks of the importance the past of a person is in helping a person clear his current issue. While a person is all grown up and seemingly mature, certain thoughts and life perspectives may not be helpful I not developed n helping him to have a healthier mindset. This could be due to certain attributes and psychological conflict not properly addressed at a particular stage of growth. This piece of knowledge and the learnings is informative as it gives a clue as well as a good way to start the counselling ball rolling. It also re-emphasizes that everyone is an individual made up of different pasts and experiences and as a counsellor, it is crucial to be non-judgmental.

Like what Erickson’s model depicts, it is really true that the past will remain present as long as wounds are not healed. Life transcendence is possible only when issues are addressed and resolved. It reminds me of my bad performance during my A’level examination. At the age of 18 then, I thought I was mature enough to deal with the disappointment and failure. While I did not fail, it was a personal failure when I did not perform as well as I expected or was expected to. It was a bruise to the ego and confidence as friends moved on to local universities while I got rejection letters from local universities. The constant denial was hidden by my positive outlook at redeeming myself and betrayed by the loss of weight and the frequent naps and reluctance in waking up every morning. While alternatives were present, the only goal in mind was to get into local university. I was closed to anything else except getting to my goal. The wound was covered by my brave attempt to talk about ways to stand up after the fall, but I was neither brave enough to have the gauze opened for the wounds to be healed or to walk after standing up from the fall.

Always thought of as the strong one, I had to live up to the expectations. I told myself that time will heal all wounds while still bent on entering local university. It was my fear of lagging behind friends that made me take up a degree course under RMIT in Singapore Institute of Management (which was accepted locally when I was at my last year). Being in an institution 6 months behind my friends made me visualize their graduation ceremony and during then, I thought of myself as a second class, like a retainee. It was only until year 2 that I realized that friends don't view me any differently and family still loves me for who I am. I wrote blogs and ironed out my thoughts, understanding that people grow at different stages with different speed and starting points. There was no starting or ending point in life and therefore no call for any competition. It was the environment, the nation’s emphasis on education that defined my priorities. I spoke to my English Literature teacher through emails and he gave me a quote from "Batman Begins". There was the scene where Bruce Wayne fell into a well when he was a boy and fractured some bones. His father carried him and said this:

"Bruce, why do we fall?""We fall so that we can pick ourselves up again."

Picking oneself up is more than just standing up. But to stand up and move on is an art. While I let time heal my wounds, time doesn't really heal all wounds .

Thinking back, that is true only to a certain extent. If lesser time was taken and more attention was given to heal the wounds, the deep scar would not have been so livid now. All I can do is to make sure that the scar is a constant reminder to have faith in myself and be brave to heal fresh wounds no mater how much they hurt at the moment. Counselling is to move from coping to getting some form of control so that things can look a little brighter.

Let's ot even talk about counselling. The very fact of wallowing in misery is like scratching your wound and making sure there is a scar. Sometimes, that help people to cope better. But I realise now, and I have grown vainer. I want no scars on me.

Excuse me hor, Smooth Porcelain skin.