If there is a button on your body that you can press to end your life and everything, will you ever pressed it? Would you find the courage to press it or will you take extra caution and try to cover up the button to protect the button? Life in itself has countless questions manifested and these questions always require decisions to be made. The decisions then form arrows and point you to the path that you have chosen, the attitude to take on.

The best way to life is to see things simply. This simple theory is always plagued by complicated efforts to keep it simple. That is irony. But no one says anything about using complicated efforts. We are like driving along a road whereby other vehicles just come and go. If they signalled to cut your lane, drive slow to let them or just drive faster to prevent them from cutting. Driving at the constant speed and dancing cha cha with the car cannot get you to the destination.

Most of the time, we know what are the right things to do. Still, we refuse to do it immediately because we cannot get over the fact that injustice was suffered or thought to be suffered. And when emotions overwhelmed the need to handle matters logically, we begin to harp on it. They termed it as Zhuan Niu Jiao Jian in Chinese. Seriously, I have no issues with that. We are all humans and there is nothing wrong to voice out injustice that you think you may have suffered. For the least, give me the deserved time to zhuan. To me, zhuan niu jiao jian is a balanced attempt to accept the issue. Once there is acceptance, anyone would be ready to move on.

I am done with my denial and avoidance stage. Much as I feel guilty for being selfish and not being there, I needed my fair bit of time to make myself stronger. I can't say I got past the hurt, but I am positive that I am stronger to handle this. Stage 2 is not necessary harder than Stage 1 and I am so much more confident.

For now, its time for some damage control.

Whenever I am down, I somehow feel so much stronger. What is there to lose when you are about to lose it all? It is only when you are at the top that you fear losing everything. I have to admit that this is a loser's belief. Still, who said anything about winners winning at the end of the day? Don't we all die at the end of the day? Gratifying thought.

I often wonder why I am so idealistic. I thought about it at work today and it finally dawned upon me that it is a natural instinct to be idealistc. Sometimes, we just have the ability to put a balance in life. When you feel empty in some parts of your life, you try to make another part of your life more fufiling. This innate ability somehow clashes with the need for idealism to exist. The world is too complicated and it is so much easier to just sort everything into two groups. Black or white, right or wrong. It is an instinct. I know I have to do that to make life easier but yet, more often than not, I can't. Perhaps I see too much things. When you are too objective, you tend to have diverse thoughts. Perhaps that is why people who are objective often get torn apart by logical conflicting thoughts. and logical conflicting thought is not even an oxymoron. It is clear-cut, yet complex. If I can place a picture to that, it is probably a number of straight lines crossing and overlapping haphazardly.

Sometimes, questions answer you more than answers do. It is only when you understand through your own questions then can you gain another level of understanding. I f you understand through answers that others provide, you will get to the next level of others understanding. At the end of the day, which do you want more? Yours or others?

When they say life is about experiencing the process, they were not kidding.

Touch the powerful weapon,

Do you feel the biting coldness?

Place your ears against the metal,What can you hear?

Stories that were never told before,yet that real.

Stories that explains its death,yet people see it with fear.

And it lay there waiting to be discovered,

shelterd by constraints, yet feeling protected.

Trapped mercilessly, protected mercifully.

No rainbow no rain, just the sea.

Look at the guiding light ahead!

No, it could be the enemies.

Stay shelterd and continue with your break,

Stagnance, the break that never ceases.

Fishes and divers swim past, seeking for solace that never last.

STARfishes didn't know where they could be,

thought they were the best, they were at the bottom of the sea.

The submarine remained where it lay

Waiting for the end of its days.

Not moving to hurt the sea creatures,

not dashing the hope the world promises,

all these happening (or not)...

At The Bottom Of the Sea