I was just reading all the testimonials in Friendster and thinking of how much I have changed in these few years. I can't pin-point the change. It is not just the thinking or appearance or beliefs, yet the change is stark. Perhaps it is the combination of all- change in my perception towards the change in all three.

Sometimes, you have to just walk away. I recalled how I was entertaining suicidal thoughts few years back and felt really stupid for thinking that way. I always hate to fail, to give in, to give up until whatever I tried to 'win' has been overcome. Maybe it is my competitive nature or the pressure of people's expectations on me, I only want whatever I challenge to be vanquished. Well, at least, that is what I used to be like (it still gets to me sometimes), until I met a situation that resulted in me getting a pyrrhic victory. I wonthe battle, but lost even more. Then I realised that there is no point fighting when I have no control over the battle. Sometimes, we just have to learn how to philosophically shrug and walk away with our pride intact and dignity high.

For instance, a situation or a relationship exists to nurture you, protect you. It existed for you and was at your service. When it is gone or when you realised that you no longer possesed it, let go. I read a line by Templar that I find really meaningful-:

"If it is dead, don't go digging it up every 5 minutes to check if there is a pulse. It is dead, walk away"

I thought that was the most meaningful thing to learn about when learning to let go. If you find walking away cruel, bury it and then walk away. The bottom line is walking away. I don't go to church, but I find some teachings really interesting. I blogged about this before but isn't learning about piecing the rest of the learnings together to see the big picture?

Here it goes: Sometimes, we see walking away and backing off as a cowardy action. I guess it is all about assessing the situation. Walking away sometimes just goes to show that one has risen above whatever that is bothering you. Walking away is itself exercising control and decision making. It helps you to get control over situation.

The full roundness of a circle can only be witnessed by those outside a circle. Step out and you get a wider view, a better perspective.

I am still learning how to let go, to see things less seriously. It is against my nature to see things lightly. But when life gest to you and you chose to have a balance of control and victory in your life, you just have to go agaisnt your nature. Not always, but just enough to protect yourself. If you don't protect yourself, you will not be in the position to protect any others.