The world of human being is so fragile. Being constantly trapped in the emotional tangle, it would have been something new if we knew what we are doing and thinking all the time. Sometimes, things just happen without reason, or so they seem to happen without reason. It would have been totally unacceptable to say that things within ones' control. The greatest benefit of doubt one could spare is to blame it on the ambiguity and complexity of human nature. Sometimes, people just behave in the most unexpected way. It is like a person trying to save money by scimping and saving on every single meal, only to give a feast to celebrate his success for scrimping and saving. It is like a person on diet taking only vegetables and organic products for one week only to cave in to the temptation of warm chocolate cake in the end. If we were to surrender ourselves to temptations, why torture yourself for so long?
Life is full of irony and humans' behaviour is one of the most ironic and inexplainable form of expression.
There are times in life whereby we mask ourselves up, take extra precaution just like how a coccoon is built, thread by thread, only to find the defences all torn down by an unexplainable form of familarity found in a situation or in a person. Familiarity makes us step out from our shell. It goes well with the law of nature. When there is a memory that you want badly to hide in your subconscious mind, a familiar scent can simply jolt the memory bank and send the memories flooding your mind. It could be the familiar scent, the similarity in voices or even the positions...
That is how is it with life. Sometimes you regret, sometimes you reflect. While a set of emotions made us vulnerable, it is the same set emotions that made us stronger.
Remember to forget what you remembered to forget to remember what you have already forgotten to remember ... ...
That is life and that is how complex it can get.
Jacqueline
10:41 PM
It wasn't so much of an issue of making things transparent. It is more of the loss of trust and confidentiality. Perhaps, I should resume to using ziplock bags. Plastic bags are just too insecure.
Everything seems like it is heading nowhere now. I don;t want to invite comments or advices or even hear opinions. I just want to go deep underwater where I can only hear my breathing and nothing else.
It is ironic. The more I hang out after work, the less freedom I feel I possessed. Meet-ups seem less fun when I need to put them down on my calendar. Suddenly, meeting someone seems like an obligation because it was decided long ago. This routined act makes me feel like I have no time for myself.
Then again, when I have time for myself, I either waste it away or felt like I could do much much more. I am so tired of this work shit. Week passes by after another and it seems like a viscious cucle. Should the cycle ever end, everyone will wake up to find that their hair has greyed, they are no longer physically abled and their lives is a sad null.
I can't end a vicious cycle, but how do I slow it down?
Jacqueline
12:14 AM
