Why is 'good' always the immediate response when someone asks how my day was, even when I don't feel good? The only difference lies in the variations of my tone. Perhaps that is about all I am willing to share with people or perhaps that is the only answer they want to hear. "Good? Nice to hear that. Bye bye."

There are times when someone asks a question or makes a comment and I just remain silent and smile. Not may knew, but I actually answered everything they say confidently, inwardly. I have no idea why sometimes, the words just refused to come out. Perhaps I am too afraid to be judged, too conscious of everyone around me. I have this sudden flash words 'Your opinion counts' in front of me. That is the most popular mantra that feedback forms stubbornly stick by. I have to stop my subconscious mind from picking up negative things. Otherwise, very soon, my brain would be taken over by the subconscious mind, that is if I have a brain.

Life has been a little not balanced recently. I can't really control it that well anymore. Perhaps, the control is not so muc in me. Sometimes, I wish I can get drunk and rant and rave, and dance without restraint, or even swim naked in public. Of course, I can, but I wish I allow myself to. Say something really dumb and laugh at it instead of feeling stupid, sleep for 2 consecutive days without swollen eyes (without the help of a baseball bat), laugh heartily like a hyenna into people's face and skip away leaving them stunned, dance all the way to work from TPY mrt station to work ... ...

Maybe I will just add them to my To-do List at work.