How many times in our lives are we only sensitive to our feelings? Perhaps I am too good at reading people and sometimes feelings and attitudes of others just seemed too obvious for me to ignore. It not just irks me, but bothers me a lot. Unlike many others, I will always find myself trying to ease the discomfort of others and to me, it is a give and give situation. I am not complaining because I am the one that makes it happen. The choice lies in me and I always choose the action that would be the best way out although it is very much against my wishes. I deserve it for not standing to my thoughts of course. I deserve it.
I am not smart enough to behave like a bimbo. I don't have the strength to do so and I feel that it is too tiring. Life is simple, not mock simple.
I feel guilty because it seems like I am complaining but that is not my intention at all. My tution student gave me shit and much as he deserved all my sacarsm and scoldings, I feel extremely guilty for doing so. I felt like inwardly kicking myself because I know that there are so many other ways I could help but yet I chose the fastest and most effective way, despite being aware that it would be bad on a long term basis. I don't want to see so much but yet everything is in my eyes. It is like the people with the third eye (thank god for his blessings that I am excluded in the privilege). I am sure they don't want it yet it is included in the package. It is either three eys or no sense of sight. You get the point.
There are so many things that I want to change and I know that I can change yet I can't find the confidence to believe what I feel that I can believe. At least not for now though I know deep down inside what should be done. I just feel so drained thinking about all these.
Hopefully, like what cuz says, the glucose will go to the brain and I will become slimmer. Jac, 2 words: You Wish!
Jacqueline
9:47 PM
