When I first graduated, I told myself that politics may not exist and people could well be over paranoid. I told myself to have an open-mind while being careful at the things people say or did. Note, being careful, not apprehensive. It is more like when you get into a certain area with a pre-determined conclusion, you will just see things in a very narrow way. For instance, if you judge a person as irritating, every little things he does, even the way he eats his meal irritates you. Knowing that simple logic and sticking to my theory (warped, some might think), I tread lightly into the working world.
I told myself not to be blinded by whatever advices people gave about 'evil' people. Contrary to the picture I painted in my mind about the 'real' working world, no one said anything about politics. There was no bad-mouthing or sabotaging. There was nothing. It was only there and then that I realise that things are far more complicated than what I have thought. The game is played in such a way that no sniper will be stupid enough to say, "watch out, I am aiming you."
It could be that I am far too perceptive or rather, over sensitive. There are only 2 paths I see myself in: To continue thinking that everyone is kind in this world and in their own ways or to put on my shield, my armour, my bullet vest and lie low. I was at a cross-roads then and tried taking 2 steps out to the earlier. Then I was accused of something I didn't do. I retreated and took 3 steps out to the other route and I was again maligned.
Right now, I am back at at the T junction. Hoever, this time round, I am not choosing any of the paths. I am digging my own- not grave, but path that can bring me to where I want to be.
Instead of taking the train that is fast but doesn't bring me to my destination or the bus that is slow and always caught in jams, I have decided to walk on my path. Who can you trust but your own pair of legs - that is why they are called kakis. They will never bring you to where you don't want to be. When I am sure the route I walked gets to the destination, people can follow suit. I would be thankful to passer-bys who walked with me on the road I started and life would be so much more meaningful with people walking along with you.
When I really know the way, I will share it with people so that they don't go through what I went through. We all live in the same dimension- Why not make others' lives better? The world will become a better place to live in. It is like not just keeping your home clean, but the environment as well cos we are breathing in the same air.
Right now this is what I think. They could be all that have caused by insomnia. Perhaps I can finally sleep now. I think I am overworked. I think I have gastric flu again.
Jacqueline
11:38 PM
I am deadbeat but yet enjoying every minute of my life. Going out after work sort of rejuvenates your soul. It makes life a lot richer and gives you chance to make sense of your work while figuring out people's emotions and behaviours.
I met up with Jiaen today and it sort of brought me back to when I was 8 years old and giggling in class with her. Life was so simple them. We just laughed at anything and everything. Even being hit by the feather duster was hilarious and the whole class, even Miss Wong got affected by our infectious laughter. It was that contagious.
Life is so different now. Except for a very nice person at work, no one can share the funny images I have up there or even the little thoughts that caused my absurd and totally-uncalled-for insomnia. What can I say, people these days think in boxes and squares, move in systems and bulks...
But still, I love the world. I love the sun I see every morning and I love the rain when the sun is resting. I love the smell of soil after the rain or even when the sun shines bright. What I see doesn't make my life shortchanged because the sun still shines bright.
I bought a new book! Yipee! That explains why I am still awake. Something to feed my insomnia.
If you have it, make the best out of it. Wed- Gym with Flo. Can't wait.
Jacqueline
10:45 PM
Remember predator and prey?
Welcome to the club.
Jacqueline
10:39 PM
I had a long long talk with a friend today and realised that we have so much in common. Life is unpredictable. Some friends move on and some friends move in. Some just pop by. Right now, life is so full in every aspect, yet so hollow if you look a little deeper.
I always feel that all the hollow parts in life needs to be filled up for it to be complete. Now, don't think of it in a crude way, although that is my point as well. My last stage was at Absolute Vs Relativity. Now I am exploring the concept of Hollow Vs Filled. Hugs make you feel complete, kisses make you feel total and love fills empty heart that is made hollow by the harsh reality of the world.
Deep inside mostof us lies the need and desire to be recognised and appreciated. There is this craving that cannot be disputed by nonchalent expressions or attitudes. That is a hollow side. Men feed on men to be full and that is why we are social animals by default. However, some empty shelled people refused to be filled and deprive others of being full and eventually, we become shallow and wears empty look in our eyes.
If you see an emptiness in someone, enrich his life with what you have got to offer. Sharing makes everyone more complete.
Jacqueline
11:25 PM
| You Are A Rowan Tree |
 You are full of charm and cheer. You light up a room.
And while you crave attention, you do it without ego.
You are an interesting mix of contradictions - and very unpredictable.
You are both dependent and independent, calm and restless.
You are passionate, emotional, gregarious, and (at times) unforgiving. |
Jacqueline
12:10 AM
Happy 10th year Aniversary!
Jacqueline
10:58 PM
