I think no one understands what I am facing now. At least, no one bothers. Suits me. I have long acknowledged that we live in a world whereby no longer truly cares. Everyone just loves to talk about themselves and when they pretend to care, they go like, "So, tell me, don't complain that no one listens to you. I am listening. Shoot". If anyone ever speaks to me like that, I rather die a mute. What am I saying, I am a mute. Now I know why I am so autistic. Perhaps I am not. Oh, who cares if I am or I am not but myself?
Jacqueline
10:42 PM
I breathed in the colours and the unadulterated scent of the flowers into my system, and felt a surge of beta-endorphin rushing into my main system. It is the year of Babi and I have never welcomed Chinese New Year THAT much. The thought of spending time with people (even the less desired ones) seemed so much more appealing than sitting at my workdesk and staring at the computer screen while getting into a 'I am a piece of Wood floating in the sea' mode.
It is not even about pouring toxic ( I meant junk food) down your throat like nobody's business or feeling yourself come out from the other side of the mattress when you sleep, but the very fact that you have the autonomy to do anything you want. Like eating a grain of rice at a time and taking 3 hours instead of 1. There you go, the examples that a procrastinator could actually churn out never fail to amaze people right?
Got to rush now cos I have procrastinated a little too long. Till the, Happy New Year folks, and, do take a little time to smell the flowers. Not ying liu ok, flowers.
Jacqueline
11:00 AM
In all good spirit of Valentine's Day, I love you people!
I love Valetine's Day and I have never felt like I want to die and or bury my head under the ground because I have no Valentine. I feel happy when I see couples get together to celebrate the day. I can't agree more that it is getting commercialised but it would be silly for businessmen to ignore the business opportunites and even sillier for people to avoid celebrating the day just because they need to pay more. As long as you are set out to celebrate and enjoy that day with someone, you don't need to fall into the commercial traps. It is not so much about Foi Gras and Red wine, but more on the company and the meaning the day holds.
But as relativity takes over the absolute, people begin to think in a perverse way. Women get angry if they bite off chicken drumstick instead of nibblng on foi gras. Men feel lost if they failed to carry a packet of condom in their wallet instead of a handmade V-day card. Still, I am sure that somewhere out there, there still exist couples that truly appreciate the day. They could be having heart to heart talks on a swing, walking by the garden or just quietly listening to the waves by the beach while thinking of each other even though they are just 10cm apart.
As for me, I took half-day leave cos I am ill. Blame it on the less-than-7-hrs sleep, blame it on my social life, blame it on the company's air-con, blame it on the viru, blame it on the Singaporeans on the MRT train..
Speaking of the MRT trains and the passengers...
~!#%#!!$#@$
Sometimes, I feel like bending down to their feet and start playing 'hit the crocodile' using my heels. These people are outrageous. Just today, an uncle stared venemously at me when a lady in front of me vacated her seat. My fault that she needs to get off and I can get a seat? Being nice, I gave my seat and he glared at me as if that is the only thing I should do. Bloody hell, uncle, go wear heels lah. Then there are the pole dancers than sandwiche the poles with their butts. Itchy or what? I have no idea what to make of such people. I am going off to the doc. I will leave these commuters for another entry. Till then, Happy V Day!
Jacqueline
6:00 PM
So Much To A LifeShe went back the furthest memory allowed her,
and realised in surprise that she was born a happy girl.
Travelling through the ages, the change was surreal,
yet she saw no pivot that led to such great fear.
Could it be the constant shadow that she walks in,
thus the desperate bid to get quiet attention,
or that she was in a light too bright,
thus the quiet retreat for her to play out her sin.
It could be the dualism in life,
the conflicting goals she quietly strives,
and when things went in both ways,
she had only herself to face.
Life is thus a double edge sword,
and in the attempt to charge forward and kill,
she got killed.
So much just to live a life.
There is so much to her,
but will the revealation to live her life push her faster towards death?
Jacqueline
11:19 AM
