Seeking Solace

The toddler stood up and tried 2 more steps only to fall again.

"Go on dear, mummy will be here. Mummuy will never let you fall". The toddler stood up wobbly and tried again. Still, it falls. Mummy broke her promise. "How would she be able to catch me when I fall if she is always one metre ahead of me?"

It sat down on the floor, waiting for another bout of failure tomorrow. "When will I ever learn to walk if promises failed?".

As if answering the toddler's question, "No worries, our baby will master it when we let him fall a few more times", the father said to the mother.

Ritual sustained me in the belief that in the repetition lays protection. Trapped by structure, it is as if life would appear to be more vulnerable once Ibreak free of all rituals. But no, I stayed in my comfort zone sponged by thick layers of padded walls. I cling to whatever I could hold on to, afraid to see what lies ahead. And when flight is essential, my feet became numb in their hold. And it hit me full-forced. Then I blame the whole world for stagnance. Blame the whole world, except myself. How do I rub the sin that blackend my soul?

I have no intention to complain. Bitching makes me sad. How do we survive in this world while retaining that little part of ourselves? How do we retain that little part of ourselves without staying in the comfort zone? How do we stay in the comfort zone without forever and never get hurt? How do we gurantee that there would be no WHAM when we take that one big step out? Is that even possible?

Jacqueline
11:30 PM