Seeking Solace

Addicted to the quiz once again and it's all Carina's fault. Gosh, I AM bored and have no mood to study AT ALL. Loser.

Jacqueline
10:19 AM

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.

Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.

You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.

Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.

In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.

Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.

You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Jacqueline
10:12 AM

You Are 48% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Jacqueline
10:07 AM

You Are a Blue Flower

A blue flower tends to represent peace, openness, and balance.

At times, you are very delicate like a cornflower.

And at other times, you are wise like an iris.

And more than you wish, you're a little cold, like a blue hydrangea.

What Color Flower Are You?

Jacqueline
10:03 AM

You Should Learn Swedish

Fantastisk! You're laid back about learning a language - and about life in general.Peaceful, beautiful Sweden is ideal for you... And you won't even have to speak perfect Swedish to get around!

What Language Should You Learn?

Jacqueline
9:58 AM

I reached for sleep and drew it round me like a blanket muffling pain and thought together in the merciful dark. - Mary Steward

For a moment, I thought I was going to die, which is just as well for me. That was a comforting thought to the discomfort I was experiencing, though immensely selfish. TTDT has reached the peak and the excruciating pain has numbed all my thoughts and, thankfully, my fears.

What, I have no fears. Who said anything about fears?

It takes more than two lousy papers and some TTDT to get me down. So, try harder, loser.

Jacqueline
5:26 PM

Can't Take It Away Lyrics
by Mariah Carey

They can say, anything they want to say
Try to break me down.But I will not allow, anyone to succeed, hanging clouds over me.
And they, can try. Hard to make me feel that I.
Don't matter at all.
But I refuse to falter in what I believe, or loose faith in my dreams.
Cause there's, a light in me.
That shines brightly.
They can try, but they can't take that away from me.
Oh, they. They can do, anything they want, to you.
If you let them in.But they won't ever win, if you cling to your pride and just push them aside.See I, I have learned.
There's an inner peace I own.
Something in my soul, that they cannot posses.
So I won't be afraid, and they the darkness will fade.
Cause there's, a light in me. That shines, brightly.
They can try, but they can't take that away from me.
No, they can't take this, precious love I've always had inside.
Certainly the lord will guide me, where I need to go.
Oh, oh, they can say. Anything they want to say.
Try to break me down.
But I won't face the ground, I will rise steadily, sailing out of their reach.
Oh lord, they do try. Try to make me feel, that I. Don't matter at all.
But I refuse to falter, in what I believe or loose faith in my dreams.
Cause there's, a light in me. That shines, brightly.....
They can try, but they can't take that away from me.
From me....

Jacqueline
10:03 PM

Anyone with brains know that love at first sight never exists. The very fact that it is 'at first sight' has it that any attraction is based on looks. From today onwards, the queen rules that such incident that people view in their rose-tinted eyes, glasses or contact lenses for all that matter, should be called 'Lust at first sight'. Don't even argue. Superficial behaviours should not taint the definition of 'love'. Love deserves to be placed on pedastal simply because it doesn't exist.

Jacqueline
1:38 PM

It is only after so many years of foolishly believing that the world will be a better place if one keeps to their basic moral behaviour that I learnt how to differentiate between who is sincere and who is not. It sounds somehow pathetic. There are indeed people who cannot be bothered with you. The once-in-a while "You ok or not?" comes only when you complain or explicity display or hint any negative emotions. Deep down, they probably know how you feel but they just pretend that nothing exist until they are overtly conveyed. That, is the mindset of "The lesser I know, the better".

I am not in the mood of fighting for any attention today (as if the statement makes what I would say next sound any more justified). I totally hate it when things are left at a level whereby it simply hangs there. The notion of both parties knowing yet pretending that there had never been such an issue. I abhor it even more when one party brings up the issue and the other just pretended that such issues 'never crossed my mind'. It could well entitled the person 2 Oscar awards and 5 Golden horse awards altogether. Pretense pretense and more pretense. Perhaps the 'purest' occupation is that of the artistes. They pretend, but they know they are pretending. Pretense is 'legalised' in a way. Then again, there could be many layers of pretense. What is this world coming to? (One of these days, I am going to count how many 'what is the world coming to?' I wrote in all my posts)

All aside, my attempts in optimizing the use of Daddy's gift failed! The beautiful flower-embroided handkerchiefs could have nursed the cute man's deeply-cut fingers. LOL. Dad is still in overseas and Ken and mum are tired of giving me attention. Boo. Thank god for technology. I called Dad on my handphone and asked for attention, in which he promptly gave me, for only 12 seconds. Better than nothing. this is new, short attention is better than no attention. Look at me, blogging about nothing but still typing. I just don't wish to return to the books. Studies remind me more about things that I don't wish to handle right now. Thank god my computer is revived, otherwise I would really be slashing my wrists to relieve stress. Speaking of which, my room has never been that tidy before. I am like mopping and cleaning up every moment to escape from studying. Mum stared incredulously at me when I accidentally spoke my thoughts in exasperation:"Ah, I want to be housewife!". When she recovered, she started the same things: So you think it is good to be housewives? Financially dependant...blah blah. Me and my big mouth.

I still have one more set of photos that I want to post for my birthday. Carina dear, will you please send them to my yahoo mail so that I can blog before May comes. Hahaha

Jacqueline
12:32 PM

The toddler stood up and tried 2 more steps only to fall again.

"Go on dear, mummy will be here. Mummuy will never let you fall". The toddler stood up wobbly and tried again. Still, it falls. Mummy broke her promise. "How would she be able to catch me when I fall if she is always one metre ahead of me?"

It sat down on the floor, waiting for another bout of failure tomorrow. "When will I ever learn to walk if promises failed?".

As if answering the toddler's question, "No worries, our baby will master it when we let him fall a few more times", the father said to the mother.

Ritual sustained me in the belief that in the repetition lays protection. Trapped by structure, it is as if life would appear to be more vulnerable once Ibreak free of all rituals. But no, I stayed in my comfort zone sponged by thick layers of padded walls. I cling to whatever I could hold on to, afraid to see what lies ahead. And when flight is essential, my feet became numb in their hold. And it hit me full-forced. Then I blame the whole world for stagnance. Blame the whole world, except myself. How do I rub the sin that blackend my soul?

I have no intention to complain. Bitching makes me sad. How do we survive in this world while retaining that little part of ourselves? How do we retain that little part of ourselves without staying in the comfort zone? How do we stay in the comfort zone without forever and never get hurt? How do we gurantee that there would be no WHAM when we take that one big step out? Is that even possible?

Jacqueline
11:30 PM

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." -Oscar Wilde

This is as true as it can be. I wouldn't care if it is human nature, I wouldn't care if you slam me with the tian zhu di mie saying, I wouldn't be bothered even if you can't be bothered. Don't 'thats life' me. I just want to bitch.

Jacqueline
11:18 PM

I am here to take a breather. Don't sympathise me, don't pat me on my back. I am now one big fat lump of emotional woman in need of plenty of movies (preferably free) and plenty of sweat (and attention as always). For the stress amount I am experiencing, I can swim continuously for 120 laps. I am so tired, yet I can't sleep for the world. Insomnia. Of all people, it has to happen to me. Its ok, I think God wants me to learn how to deal with ghost images and so that I dare to sleep alone when Ken goes for army. Hello God, too early!).

Anyway, guess what, my computer is still dead. Boo, what is new right? The computer is just totally in sync with my mental state of mind. When I am at the peak of my stress level, it is at the lowest point of its performance level. People, what do we call that? Yes, inverse relationship, thank you.

My birthday just zoomed past and I didn't even get the chance to recollect. Now, everything is a blur. What you see is what you get. Piece them up yourself.

Thats all, Folks.

Jacqueline
11:33 AM

Let me try to blog ok? I did this in school. I have absolutely no time to fight for. People, thanks for all the well-wishing for my birthday. Photos will keep coming, but for now, stay contented with my second birthday celebration; SJAB friends. I will be a wee bit better when Thursday comes. Pray for me. Pray very hard for me.

Ru, Qi and me. I am tempted to put the photo of us 6 years back just to show how much we have changed. I bet they are thanking God because my loser computer isin concussion.

Outside Starbucks chatting not about lizards, but Cats. Ewww.. *grimace*

Dinner at Jack's place. Whats wrong with eating Seafood salad? I am not caterpillar!

If time allows it, I would have a better birthday celebration. Then again, I had a great one. More photos after Wednesday. Then I will nurse my computer. Do let me know if you have any idea which stores in Sim Lim are good. This time round, I am going to give my computer a lesson he will never forgets. Lao hu bu fa wei, ba ta dang bing mao. ROAR!

Jacqueline
9:48 AM

Happy Birthday, Dear dear dear dear Wee Leng!

Jacqueline
9:51 AM