So much happened within these few days. It is wrong to try to change a person. It is the greatest mistake anyone can make. I realised that true true love means that you have to accept everything a person has, flaws, past, mistakes and all. It's so cliche and I hate to endorse 'cliche' but.. well, I guess I am the kind that need to experience something personally in order to learn. You know what they say about learning from experience, preferably others? That never works on me.

Its amazing how my mood can switch that fast even before I am done with this entry. What I have felt when I first started this entry is totally different from what I am feeling now. I promised never to blog when I am on messenger. I hate this feeling now. I know I have blogged a million times about misunderstandings and accusation but I am still going to touch on it. I abhor what I am feeling now. Totally hate it.

It has always been easy for me to get misunderstood. I don't blame many because in this era, almost everyone does thing with a reason, a purpose or a hidden agenda. It is almost impossible for anyone to believe that a gift is given out of goodwill, good intention. They said that nothing is free in this world because they look at a gift as a favour. That is the traditional chinese thinking. We don't have Thanksgiving. The only thanks some of use do give is to pray to the air every 1st and 15th of the lunar calendar to ancestors. That is not free too. Offerings, the more sumptious the better. Nothing is free. That is why Asians are considerd more shrewed than Europeans. Their attitude of 'what do I stand to gain' apart from those stated in contracts attributes to that. Seriously, 'shrewed' is an over-rated word to use.

Not learning how to appreciate an act of kindness is one of the worst thing. People call it 'sin' but I hate that word. I hate it when I have to travel all the way to somewhere far to meet someone because I wanted to meet that person and that same someone travels all the way to visit me because they 'can collect something along the way'. Perhaps it dates back to the word 'expectation'. It seems like I am unable to move past the stage of 'expectations' and 'failures' and 'hope'. Maybe it was a huge mistake to think that those are stages of life. They are probably elements that revolve around each stage of life.

I hate to be caught at the fork of paths and it seems like there are forks wherever I go. I dislike the feeling of hoping and wanting things to be 'this way' instead of what they turned out to be. Like ten years later finding myself sitting in a small and cramp office wishing that I have a high-powered career, spiffy life and anything I want. I want to know more about life and yet I hate what life would bring me. I find myself wishing for trancendence, yet whenever the chance comes I will crawl back to my comfort zone. I am such a coward. I hate to be in a Catch 21. Gosh, I just realised that there are so many things I hate. It is as if I can't stop complaining. But life would be so bland without peppers of complaints. I wish, this very moment, that I am the little girl.