I feel like my mouth is gagged and my life made lower than a smelly and miserable rat. Why am I always so haunted by my past? Trapped mercifully, protected mercilessly. I feel like everything is lost and all it took was a few words. That was a misbegotten plan. I should have known better than to let the situation and the surrondings got control of me. I don't want to relish the role of a matyr or a mauldin. When I fell down, I should have realised that I was automatically nailed to the ground and that I will never be found. What was I thinking then? I promised that nothing could ever get me down, nothing could ever make me cry that way again because I always believe that when you have been through the worst, life could only get better. After the first death, there would be no other. I was wrong. I am wrong. I am never right anyway and I guess it is time to hammer that into my worthless pea-sized brain. Nothing could obliterate my memories. You will never reaped what you sowed because injustice, not justice, is prevalent. I have always thought about the innate balancing act in life. But is the sheer act of balance justified? Does it mean that because I have something better than others, I have to suffer in another no matter how hard I try simply because of the balancing act in life? I don't like the feeling of resentment overwhelming me. I just want a simple life. Why is it that each time I told myself never to trust life yet I got so foolishly entwined in the lies that life promises? Maybe my brain is really a pea.
Jacqueline
1:45 PM
