I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvellous to us. Don't think of it in the 'Maskhenfreheit' way or in the way that people do to protect themselves. Secrecy spices things up. Sometimes, things just have to be left alone, untouched, undiscovered. Just sometimes, I don't bother to explain after letting it out. If it is over, it is.
Anyway, I am going to swim with dad the second time this week tomorrow. I am getting workouts and I really feel great. Butterfly stroke it shall be tomorrow! It had been so long. Just 15 years ago I was doing the same thing in the same pool and 15 years later I am still there. It makes me wonder if things will be the same for me 10 years later. I hate stagnance yet I love to live in memory. No, not contradicting at all. Stagnance, to me, is more to a blocking stone than peace. Yes I love peace, I love memories and the overwhelming peace in me, in knowing how I overcome this certain dark period of my life.
Speaking of dark period, recently, there are times I feel my trapped feelings threatening to emerge. My inferiority complex, my egoistic self-confidence, my doubts... This is contradictory.
I am a complex person anyway.
Jacqueline
11:11 PM
