Confused
I an so confused. I can't get out of this dark aura and it is blurring my vision, my hope. Perhaps it reflects what Maddow believes in: I got hungry, Greed made me blind. But I don't expect a lot in life.
Maybe that is what that makes me confused.
I am running out of money and it gets very depressing. I will not 'die' witout money, but the thought that people around would, make me extremely unsettled. i need money by my side to keep them 'alive'. Many people around me are so consumed with being rich that they develop this mentality that money is the panacea for all problems in life. Regardless of my strong disagreement, the people around me never fail to make me acknowledge the power of money and because I feed on other people's happiness and their happiness feeds on money, I have to acknowledge or rather, compromise their belief. That makes me sad. What suppossed to make me happy now makes me sad.
Maybe that is what that makes me confused.
I can't help worrying for Mum as Dad is going for chemo next week. Life has never been easy for Mum since Dad fell ill. On one hand, I am glad that Dad is back and moving on to the next stage of remedy, but on the other, I am fully aware that the worst has yet to come. Despite this knowledge, I have to reassure my family, even though I have many doubts. Above all, Dad is not heeding any advice and is going to work tomorrow. I am caught in a dilema. Where do I go and which choice should I choose over?
Maybe that is what that makes me confused.
I cleared my exams and I bet that is not because of my ability, but because of the change in the course requirement and that it would be a hassle to find a substitute for us to retake OE. Maybe it is not because of my ability. Either way, I have cleared and I should be happy. But Should I be happy that I cleared, but not through my ability? Have I got past the stage?
Maybe that is what that makes me confused.
I think it's me. I think it's me. I think it's me. I think it's me. I think it's me.
Maybe
I am what that makes me confused.
PS: Even my bling-bling got an infection and I have taken it off. I really love making myself upset.
Jacqueline
9:55 AM
