The report came out and it has been verified that Dad has tumour. The tumour is at the tip of his intestine and according to the doctors, it is malignant. dad will be going for operation today. I have really random thoughts. Pray, pray for him. It is horrible as to what stress can lead to. Dad has always been a careful eater. No oil,
No fried food,
no junk food,
no ice, ample exercise schedules, daily meditations, extremely hygenic... and of all people, this has to happen to
him. It makes me wonder what would happen to me
with less healthy eating habits.
The patient diagonally opposite Dad's bed is a 78 yr old man that has no idea why his skin turns out to be red, blue, yellowish and itchy. The first day he came in, he chatted gently to his wife, asking her not to worry, smiling at her assuringly. All it took was an injection that resulted in drug overdose and that made him awake for 4 days, hallucinating every possible things, screaming, talking to himself and everyone he sees. He claimed that there were prawns at the ceiling, he was in a hotel and would be taking a flight off, that a taxi is waiting for him at the lobby, that the nurses and doctors are kidnappers that held him captive. His son stopped him from pulling out the needles at the wrist and he started scolding him for being an ingrate, helping outsiders instead of his father. These were all in Cantonese. His wife just sat at a corner, jaded with the behaviou, doing nothing, looking at the gentle husband hurling abuses at the innocent son. This is what drug can do to a person. I witnessed how he spoke to his grandson asking if the teachers in school spank his backside, I also witnessed how he kicked his son away, fought with the doctors, spoke in Japanese, English, Hokkien, Mandrian, Teochew, Malay, preach on Confuscious teachings. I saw him faint, I saw them tie him up... This is drug, this is hospital. He came in mentally sound.
Much as I hate to say this, I am worried for Dad. The ward has four patients, but there is an empty bed. That makes 3 patients including dad. The man tried to strangle the uncle that night and Dad was put in charge of pressing the nurse call button. That isn't my idea of resting. I
do sympathise with the poor man, his son and his wife, but I want Dad to have enough rest too. I will see how it goes today. Dad will be sleeping after the operation. Hope things will be fine.
Jacqueline
7:58 AM
It had been a busy weekends, with subsequent visits to hospital. The doctors said that Dad is not suffering from appendictics after an ultrasound scan and that makes me feel so unsettling. Dad lost a full 10kg. It's just so sad to see him so frail, lying on the bed with that dreadful drip and tubes attaching to his wrist and blots of blood on th blanket. Nevertheless, I have never seen Dad resting so much. For a workaholic, I presume hospital stay is the best place to enforce a 'rest order'.
Yesterday while on the back in GH, I saw Tay Peng Hui and Joanne Peh shooting a show. Tay Peng Hui is so gorgeous. Carina, if you need a template for matchmaking, He is the one. -guffaws-
I was joking. There is no template as to finding the one. Carina dear, sorry to disappoint you. When it comes to such issues, I strongly believe that if it comes, it comes. You are definitely much more practical to believe in pursuing your interest but well, I am not logical, not practical and very idealistic. I believe in fate. Do divert your energy on something more important like your EXAMS. -guffaws- thanks for thoughts though.
My thoughts are extremely distoted now. I have a million of things to comment, but iI find it hard to concentrate. So I am off blogging.
Jacqueline
7:40 AM
I feel so lonely now.
Dad came back at around eleven plus and i reached home at 12 midnight. I was just running to hug him when mum said that Dad was hospitalised for 7 days in China and put on drip cos he fainted out of pain in the hotel's toilet. Worried.That is my dad.
The doctor diagnosed the problem to his appendices. When he asked Dad how long has he been experiencing the pain, Dad replied 3 days and got scolded by the doctor. The China doctor asked Dad if he is a doctor, why he could withstand the pain that probably started since 2 yrs ago, according to his diagnosis. The doctor said that the lump around the appendices is made up of pus. One whole bag of pus. I really feel like fainting then. Poor Dad. I messaged him when he was in China and he messaged me back that everything was good and that he had gained weight and his cough has recovered just so I wouldn't be worried. When I confronted him last night for 'cheating' me, he even said that after putting on drip, he
felt himself gain weight and his cough really recovered.
The best part is, before I woke up today, he went to work. Speaking of workaholic... He could have asked me to help out, I am FREE. very Free, free of charge too. (Where is my job offer? :() Dad is always afraid to trouble people, to worry people. Dad tole me that he is going for an operation 3 months later when the pus disappears. That is so scary.
Flora has left Singapore. My heart really went out to her. It isn't easy to move on when you just established some serious friendship. Its a pity that the friendship cannot be taken to another level. But I guess time is not a factor or a good gauge. You can know a person for yons yet still feel the presence of transparent wall in between. You can also meet a person for less than 10 times to click with the person. *winks Carina*. You can even NOT MEET the person and still converse interestingly. *winks bsea* It is how you keep up, follow up a friendship, not how long you know a person. Get in touch with all your friends. Give thm a text, a buzz, a greeting or a hug today.
Jacqueline
2:40 PM
My computer crashed. It just went out on me. days without computer is awfully awful. So I will be missing for days. Thanks Carina dear for personally delivering the cd and sorry for troubling your brother. The only way to feel better is to get my butt out of the house. I am going blading. Ciao.
Jacqueline
4:43 PM
Shop, drop, pok!
The world is full of ironies. Things always happen in the opposite way, or maybe its only that case for me. It's funny how I crave to shop when my purse string is at its tightest. I am officially broke, yet I cannot stop myself from buying new things. I am a little freaked out at the new-found knowledge that shopping is actually therapeutic for me. Others would have welcomed that, but as I have said, its Shop, drop and POK. I have to cut down my travel expenses. can't believe that we are going through another transport hike.
These few days made me realised something important and for once, I experienced a weird feeling I have never experienced. Because it is so weird, I have decided to put this kind of 'trivalities' to the back of my mind. Well, I am just as determined to make it trival. It is a month of emotional tug-O-war. This brings me to the fact that people are moving on and my life, like how the platonic plates move, is changing and attempting to adapt changes. All of a sudden, the route ahead seems fraught with obstacles. But I will handle them. I know I will. I guess its all in the mind.
Its a shopping spree tomorrow. I am going to forget everything that I am not supposed to remember, get out of any emotional tustle and spend some time catching up with Florence. I am going to enjoy my break and not regret. Lalala...
Jacqueline
4:45 PM
days never so perfect, yet never that imperfect
It was a busy week. But I welcome the 'business'(OMG, I just realised that busy-ness is actually 'business'. I finally understand its orgin.) Anyway, those were the perfect days that were not that perfect due to some.. well.. gliches. Friends, what can you actually make out of that word? Do you remember how you actually MAKE friends? To some, it comes in a natural way, but to others, it comes in a more difficult way. (And their success may not be guranteed.) I had a freaking brush with 'friend-making' session and I can't really put them in words, of course, for the fear that it may not turn out the way I intend it to be expressed. Sometimes, words are bad representation to feelings. But those who know what I am refering to understand how I actually feel. I mean.. BABY???? Oh, I better stop.
Thursday was a whopping day. The sea breeze cleared my mind off the unnecessary theories that attach themselves stubbornly to my brain. (Actually, I forgot everything on the last day of examination) The slight drizzle cooled me down from all the waiting and heat and it was absolutely heavenly to laze on the mat, reading a book. (yeah yeah.. scorn at me for wasting my blading time, but, I can blade anywhere. True?)I had fun chatting with Flora, laughing without any restrains at the Flora and Rena and the funny game they played. It was just so entertaining watching Flora communicate with the birds and the birds replying to her and hoe she translated to us what the birds were saying, as if she understood bird language. Cycling on the nearly empty path was cool. I really should have brought my blade but well... The day was wonderful, except for some weird encounters. Erm, gliches.
Friday was just as indulging, but indulging in a more sinful way. We opted chocolate buffet out because it costs way too much. It doesn't make any real difference as we headed to Seoul garden for dinner. But the money was well-spent. Like I always say, money can be earned, all things monetary can wait, but not feelings, not emotions, not happiness and definitely, not time. The food, well, I never enjoyed Seoul Garden's food that much. Perhaps its the company that makes up most of my joy. (Don't get mistaken, I don't really get exceptionally happy when I see Rena and Cheryl getting scalded by the oil, though I thought the way they screamed were cute)
Saturday was cool too. Lindy's birthday party was a success and her food was marvellous, second to mine. Hee hee.. But the company was great as well. It was fun, though extremely warm even with air-con on. We played Uno-stacko. Hahah.. It was a slightly crazy night.
I had a great weekend, despite the gliches. for me, I chose not to bother myself with things that threaten to spoil my happiness because I cherish every single moment God and Mum gives me. Nope, I have not turned religious, It's just that I have more faith in life, in my ability. Maybe... maybe... It's all a blessing in disguise. But that doesn't matter anymore. throw it at me and I will take it in my stride, at my pace. Catch up with me, if you can.
Jacqueline
11:39 PM
Post post post, post exam!
Exams are finally over.
Recapping of sins to prepare myself for the huge impact on 6/6/05.( Yes yun, your birthday)
Management Accounting in Business: No idea what the paper was talking about, No idea what I wrote about. No idea.
Human Resource Management: Wrote a lot, wrote everything, except the main points. Drew lotsa credible diagram too. but drew wrongly. That is suicide.
Organisation Environment: This is the most ridiculous one. I didn't complete the paper. Nothing to continue anyway.
Methods Of Research: It was meant to be interesting, but I overestimated the time. Again, all important points were left untouched.
SUE ME...
Anyway, I went to Breekos as a POST EXAM celebration. Then shop around Holland V. and managed to get some novelties. Rachel was amazing. Truely amazing. All the weird products that are likely to be found in the show in 'bu shuo ni bu zhi', she knew their uses, how to use them and all. Wow... I was standing in my favorite Zed and Zee, staring at those stuff in awe, pondering the uses and gushing at those staff. I would have bought more if I ahve spare cash. But May, June and July are too harsh on my stringent allowance. It doesn't help when I have stop 2 of my tuition lessons. Still, I am satisfied with my life.
This week would be an enriching week. There is picnic and kite-flying, blading, chocolate buffet and probabaly KTV. Gosh, Flora is leaving. Another interesting part of my life is gone. Maybe one day I will collect all my interesting parts in which my friends carried from me back from Australia. Soon Soon.. If I do well, half a year later, I will go to Australia.
Hang in there, Hang in there.
Jacqueline
11:36 AM
rants and more
cher: I have this sesnse of foreboding. Its OE tmr. Gosh! I haven even started MOR. Hahaha...
yUnz: Our sjab gang, after knowing each other SO many years, never swim together before! Maybe like how the aunties always exercise together, we can start yet another brisk walking club.
bsea: Get a grip daddy. *rolls eyeballs* Fame comes and goes. lol.
nana: I guess it's a common fear for all swimmers. Neck is.. so breakable.
I love my family. I don't know why the sudden blurt of declaration but I really love them a lot. My very understanding and supportive parents, my two funny and entertaining brothers and myself. My family taught me how to love myself. Through loving them, I learnt how to. Whenever I am down, they would be there cheering me up with different styles they adopt according to their personalities. They are my umbrella bearers when it rains. As compared to many friends, I am very blessed and I intend to cherish what I have and not lose my temper.
Speaking of which, it is sad to know that birthrate in Singapore is declining despite all the measures taken by government. Singapore is currently below the global table in languishing the profits and whatnots. What do we do with a country, already small, yet getting smaller in size? Perhaps one day Singapore will become a village instead of a country.
I would
love to have children, to start up a family (I don't mind more than one family. lol) But it is just so difficult to step out from the society, from the ratrace, when your education itself qualifies you for the
race and shortens the race-distance by half. It is ridiculous to say that a baby will not slow you down because the burden is there, and the need to ensure every need of the baby is met. In short, a baby signs up for the ratrace as well. And education will bring it half way to the success. Round and round parents and babies raced, where is the destination? How are parents going to lead the babies when they themselves have no idea where they are heading. Then, is this even wise to have babies.
The blind leads the blind.Worst, I am only 21 and I have to worry about this issue. First, it is the education system, then, it's the social issue. What next? Aren't the burden on students heavy enough? oh, and it certainly amazes me how one gets sued so easily. Do we really have time to discuss about blogging and casinos every week? What is wrong with blogging? Perhaps one day, the only channel for youngeters to vent frustration and commnicate with friends will be banned. How interesting would it be to live in a wirless era and not enjoying the benefits.
Maybe I should add a
clause-like statement to protect myself from any legal suits. How about this:
The above is written by someone who is mentally disabled due to extreme stress from the mega and task environment influences. Therefore, nothing should be taken as a valid and concrete representation of the attitudes of younger generations towards society.
PS: Oh, did I mention the standards of journalists these days? They just quote from one blog entry and make it seemed as if one perspective represents the perception of a collective group.
Errr... I better stop.
Jacqueline
8:42 AM
Weny: Didn't catch all the news and stupid talks on blogging? They are making a big hoo-ha out of it. People get SUED for saying how they feel. It's not that democratic as it seems in Singapore.
yUnz: I have worst experience than the pot bellied uncle. Btw, the uncle swims neither straight nor horizontal. The most irritating thing is, he swims LATERALLY. To avoid clashing, I swam like a crab.
bsea: You are always my source of inspiration...to get irritated. Haha.. I realised that people love it when I am irritated.
nana: Can you imagine this scenario whereby you are swimming head in water and this kid jump and sit on your neck? Nope, didn't happen to me, just thought it sounded funny.
I don't understand why the shift of focus from casinos to blogs. I hate it when people criticised your blog or make any personal attack, yet not being daring enough to get identified. These people are chickens. Real chickens. Will the real chicken chickens, please stand out?
Nowadays, I seem to be getting exasperated at every single thing around me. It could be the result of my fruitless labour in my
'preparations' for exams, the sinking feeling after taking the first two subjects or perhaps the weather. Gosh, I did it again. I am blaming everything but myself. But the weather is seriously HOT. Not warm, but HOT.
It's unfair that guys can walk around top-naked. (Please don't say "girls can do it too" or "its only a matter of whether you want or not", I will get irritated.)The only SOS comes from the cold drinks and the baths and probabaly the pool (look at previous entry). How can I study under such stringent environment?
Excuses, excuses and more excuses. Touch your heart and ask yourself, isn't mac good enought with its air-con? -Guilt-
I have so many activities lined up. There is wedding dinner tonight at Hyatt, tuitions, mother's day gifts to get for my auntie (I got the $168 intenz for mum!), birthday celebrations, meet-ups... How am I going to study for exams?
Excuses, excuses and more excuses. Ask yourself, are they absolutely necessary? -Guilt-
I want no exams! I want a break. I want to rest. I want to fly kites. I want to blade. Argh!!! I HAVE NO TIME!
Excuses, excuses and more excuses. No time and still blogging? -Guilt-
-Guilt- -Guilt- -Guilt-
I got to go.
Jacqueline
8:28 AM
