Unseen, Unheard but present.
There are so many things that cannot be seen by naked eyes. Air cannot be seen, but it keeps our survival. Ghost and spirits cannot be seen, but the evil lurks. God cannot be seen, but I see his works. People talk about cause and effect, the amount of effort put in is eqivalent to the harvest you get. I have longed and willed for it to be true. I gave up hoping on this yons ago. But it suddenly occurred to me that maybe the time of harvesting has not arrived. Or perhaps I have harvested in terms of other reward. Like people buy raw materials and they turned into finished goods, but my raw material turned straight to money. It's a hope. Analogy gives me hope. I don't care what it is, but false hope works well on me too. Perhaps that is why I love to be praised and I love to read Horoscope.
Horoscope descriptions are basically nothing but nonsense. They tell you things that you already know and probably some other things about near future that you can bet wouldn't happen half the year. Most of the time, after reading horoscope, you tend to find something subconsciously that relates to what you read and you get excited about it, going on and on about the accuracy. Ask yourself this, :"Have you done anything to make it happen or stop it from happening since you already knew it would happen?". Nah, sometimes we don't know when it will happen, sometimes we don't know how it would happen and sometimes we have no idea if it would really happen. What is the point of reading horoscope then? I am a major victim. I love horoscope to the extent of being hopeless in it. I am dumb. I love false hopes, I love to know the future, I love to think that there are many things in life in the many aspects of life, sitting there waiting for an opportunity to pounce on me.
When I was young, I used to aspire to be a fortune teller. Of course, not the kind with mole on the nose or in between the nose and the lips. Somehow, fortune teller is almost similar to a magician. I think kids find similarities in issues or people, adults find differences. Now that I am 20, there is this whole lot of difference I can name between a magician and a fortune teller. Similarities. well, perhaps the mystery of the nature of the two jobs. Being lazy, I pefer the job of fortune teller. You help people to know their future, advise them on what to do, prevent calamities. Maybe I was fooled by the job description. (eh, sounds a bit like HR lecture notes). Nevertheless, I know I can never be a fortune teller. Just like some other things in my life I know I cannot accept. Things that have high uncertainity, I avoid. This is called Uncertainity avoidance. (oh.. OE! I am not in the right mind)
But when it comes, it will come. When it goes, it will go.
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I have long got past the stage on saying phrases like: "that's life" or "life sucks". Past the process, pass the stage and most importantly, pass the age. Can't help feeling older and can't help thinking about how much time I have wasted for the past five years. I have walked into a wrong route. Not exactly wrong, but I believe I could have done better in something I like. It's only NOW that I see all the different routes opened to me at that particular time. Either I am partially blind or extremely slow. I will take the second one.
Jacqueline
9:40 AM
I caught I Do I Do and it is above my expectation. Compared to previous Jack Neo's comedy, there is a lot more improvement. Honestly, apart from Homerun, this is the next best one. The jokes were less corny, some were even original. There are many issues that only true blue Sngaporeans can catch. The best part is, Mark Lee has little role to play in and Jack Neo did not act at all. Not like I have anything against them, but it's a fresh start. A good and funny movie does not need the combination of those two. Actors like Marcus Chen, Ah Nan and Henry Thia looks stupid enough to make me laugh. It's a compliment. (Afterall, its better than looking stupid but being unable to generate laughter).
The changes: Most of the actors are acting roles that are different from what they usually act in. Adrain Pang can't speak Mandarain, Mark Lee is an English teacher that quotes Shakespeare, but unable to pronounce the word 'merely'. Knowing him, we all know that he cannot understand what he is speaking. That is the funny part, their weak attempts to convince us. Then there is Ah Nan, a gangster going all soft and sissy-like. Their atrocious English pronunciation, their low-class yet witty jokes, their extremely dumb but funny actions were very much appreciated.
Nevertheless, the attempt to insert a twist at the ending was weak. It is a little messed-up and Jack Neo should really tie the loose ends to make the twist more professional. His aim is a little too ambiguous. Viewers cannot really see what he is trying to prove or the underlying message, if there is one.
If Jack Neo is trying to tell us that marriage is within our control and that it is possible to put deterring factors like money, expectations, superstition and pride aside to pursue our love through the shrewd plan of both mothers, he needs to work harder in convincing us his point. There are still a lot of missing lead in which he should account for, like the lost money and Henry Thia's fortune teller role.
Nevertheless, the show is relatively good. My advice is to watch it when, only when
No 1: You are a Sinagporean.
No 2: You can identify issues (preferably the criticism of issues)
No 3: You can catch 50% of Hokkien jokes.
No 4: You are in a crazy mood to laugh.
No 5: You have a crazy movie buddy that loves to laugh at stupid jokes.
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Have you ever tried and tried and get so jaded that you don't feel like doing anything because there is no gap between trying and not trying? That is how I feel this momment. I don't even feel like breathing or to open my eyes or to listen to anything. I feel like a walking dead. Perhaps that is the true definition of jaded.
I feel defeated by myself. I can't even look at myself in the eye when I stare into the mirror. Everything is just so wrong but I don't know what is exactly wrong.
If I ever cry in front of a guy (it probably would NEVER happen), If he wipes off the tear with his thumb, I would most likely melt into tears. Don't, DON'T ever wipe my tears away from my face. Argh, what am I talking about now? I am going behaving in extremes these days. Either I laugh a lot or I don't speak or I cannot stop talking. My thoughts are so scattered now and then things I say cannot link at all. Pardon the abrupt ending. I want to sleep.
Jacqueline
10:26 PM
Nana, if you are reading this, I just want to tell you that there has been a report saying that jay has a girlfriend. Girlfriend. She is Hou Pei Chen, supposed to be some entertainment person in taiwan.
Quite sweet looking too. Because you are in Aust. and quite -out of the world-, I shall show you her pic and make you feel even more miserable. Then again, you can treat it as you have never seen this entry. Innocence is bliss.
This is She.
Then again, at least we can be assured with even nicer love songs from him. The glass is half-filled.
Jacqueline
11:10 AM
I was telling my friend on how cowardy humas are, being always on the run, hiding from something, somewhere, somehow, consciously or not. People put on make-up and it feels like them putting on masks. They hide whatever they want to hide. Because they hid, they have more confidence. People wear black to look slimmer. They hide their fats or any flaws that they are not satisfied with. Identity.I guess we all do that unconsciously just so to gain different identities. Seriously, there is nothing wrong to do all those. It is just a survival technique.
Like this classmate of mine that wears bandana in class. I think she is hiding her head. Seriously, I don't see anything wrong with her head but she might feel otherwise. There are times we see fault in ourselves. We feel that we dont meet the expectations set my ourselves and we feel miserable. The more we hide, the more it shows. Much as flattery pleases, we get-over suspicious and apprehensive about them. there are just too many things to learn in life. Humans are way too cynical. Even the most optimistic person has to admit that only the fittst survive. I guess optimism comes with confidence and faith. I have neither.
We live once in our life. There is only one second in every momment. This one thirty in the morning of 18th February 2005 has to be experienced by me. It's such a waste of time to sleep very second through. Life is so marvellous in every different way, that is if we take a little time to stand aside and watch the wrold goes by. We learn, we cherish, we feel, we taer. Life is miraculous. Everything is a miracle. everything, if we just close our eyes and appreciate.
People come together and spent each of the precious day in our life. There is only that single day in our life and it's impossible for us to capture it again. Precious life that money cannot buy, Precious laughter that money cannot generate, precious friend and families that money cannot exchange for...
I am touched.
Jacqueline
1:30 AM
...
Had been quite some time since I last blogged. My holiday mood is gone, much as I hate to leave it. Thanks to OE shit. If I fail this, I don't know what to do. Seriously, I have doubts on working hard. Changes and changes. When will I be satisfied?
Ah huat was saying in his lecture today that there are people who learnt too late. They don't listen and when the message got through, something has already happened. He said with a mocked tinge of regret that these people are just born that way. I can't help but think that I am one of the THEM he was refering to. I went Cecilia's place that day and the bus passed by a church. I saw a quote from bible and it says something like that:"If you have failed again and again, read the instructions". I thought that sounded practical. It did not say stuff like "have faith in ME or I am HE. Read the instructions. Simple.
I hate reading instructions. Literally and Figuratively. I reminded my students time and time again on how important it is to read instruction, understand them and stuff like that. I don't practice what I preached. Seriously, I need to do some reflection. Who am I to judge and laugh at people. No wonder I flunked MAB. It must be retribution. Either that or I have numb skull. Things cannot get through.
I don't want to be hopeless. I don't want. I detest it. I loathe it.
Nobody can help. I feel so jaded.
Jacqueline
10:20 PM
New Year Day 2
I woke up early in the morning. I was determined to atone my sins, hence, I went to the pool. 30 laps, I am satisfied. It was a good swim, but it's a pity I was getting sun burnt. Then I went to aunties' house. Majorly pissed off. Nevertheless, it was still good to get away from the hustle bustle of the ususal days.
New Year Day 3
Darn. I caught a blanga pickpocket! I was so pissed though I must admit I find it rather exciting. Haha.. I scolded him and I felt power surging through my body. I had so much
gaja. I just chased him and push his shoulders, interrogating him, threatening him and what not. Anyway, I went to my friend, Cecilia's place. It was fun. KTV, Mahjong and poker. I did not gamble though cos I told them that I rather give the money to the Blanga worker for him to send it home then to lose to the wealthy gamblers. :)
There I am now, back at home, looking at my visitors with plenty of interest. That is Daddy's bestman during Mummy's and Daddy's wedding. What charm...When my mother came out of the room, he just looked at her with that sparkle and commented that she has not changed at all. When Yilin get married, maybe her child will look at me in that way. Child? Nono.. should be children. She would probably give birth to a whole bunch of kids. Haha.. Nice New Year.
Jacqueline
7:01 PM
CNY day 1
New Year Day 1
It's just Day 1 and I have collected $313. I have to save, save, save and save. Everything turns out to be quite fun. Thank God I didn't get to meet the smart alecks. Qiyan said that she is trying to dress my style and she highlighted the same colour. *slaps forehead* When will it end? She is so slim and she said that she wishes to be like me. I am bad at gauging people's intention. Mum said that I am too sensitive but seriously.. Anyway, since I didn't get to meet her, I shan't talk about her.
Thank God for Qiyan, otherwise I would die of boredom. I played Mahjong today. Perhaps it's beginner's luck, I won the first two rounds. There are even times whereby I have already won, but didn't know about it. Dumbo Jacq. Oh, I finally got Qiyan's photo. So, Carina... *wink*
Tomorrow...
Till then, don't forget me.
Jacqueline
10:27 PM
New Year... New Year
New year New Year...
I was considering whether to do a list of New Year resolutions but decided against it since I seldom carry out my resolutions. I feel so jaded.
Finally gave my cousin his birthday present. Hope he likes it. The only thing I actually look forward to is to rot with him at Ah ma's place or go Holland V. But now... I miss Ah Ma's old place!!! This year Grandpa is in China, Ah ma's house is sold. I don't think it will be a good one.
I spent 20 Chinese Lunar New Years there. As a kid, a teenager, then an adult. From 4 happy children, to three teenagers. I miss you.
Jacqueline
1:45 PM
Live, let live
This is so scary that I feel like puking. If you have already heard about it, hear it again. A Hong Kong man killed his 16 year-old daughter and beheaded her after an assumed arguement.
Ok, *gulp*, kill. But behead? Currently, the man is on the run. The crux is, he took his daughter's head away while on the run. When his son saw caught him after his murder, he told his son the process of killing and half way through, his insanity acted up and he made an attempt to behead his son too. I don't know about how you people think but I could practically see the images in my mind. Not the cartoon kind. Are humans degrading to a more animalistic level?
I can't imagine myself behaving like an orang-utan.
It is excruciatingly painful to know the amount of hatred he bore for his own flesh and blood. Did he think that since he gave her life, he can take away too? While the heart of many parents in Singapore skip a beat everytime at every stroke delivered to their kids, there are actually parents who behead their child because of an arguement. I wonder if the 16 year-old girl regretted in not living a good, enriched life before her death. Did she taunt her father to behead her in a momment of rebel? Have any love ever existed between them before? Picture this: A loving young father craddling his daughter proudly, kissing her forehead lightly, carassing her every now and then. 15 years later, a dishevelled man, beheading his daughter and carrying her head on the run. Gruesome.
Loving is accepting his/her flaws unconditionally. Think, if we often argue with our parents, is it worth it? How long can they argue with us? Time flies. If we get angry at the slightest thing our friends and soulmates do, does it make things better?
Live and let live.
Jacqueline
9:35 AM
