I wanted so much to say that the below is not targeted at anyone but by stating that, I will suffer more accusation. from friends of friend, from readers and non readers. I didn't want to put it down but I will get mistaken anyway. it happens all the time anyway. I am inevitably used to it. Start now.
When you say something nice, people mistook it as scarscm, when you keep mum, people are not happy with you. you speak or you shut, the arrow will always aim at you. Well done Jacq. Well done. What you should really do is to state your daily activities in your entry or report to the whole world as every hour passes.
Expectation. People always expect others to understand their plight. When the situation calls for it, there will be confrontation about this and that and 'have you ever thought of how i feel to...blah blah blah. How about shooting yourself back this question before it shoots off your mouth? Did you ever bother to find out? And then the reply would be the same. "what about YOU? Did YOU ever bother to find out?". Confrontation is really pointless. It's unfair. It really is. Work is enough, but to kick up a big fuss over something trivial.
I am really tired of being afraid of someone getting angry, being afraid of losing many many things. I please one side and offend the other. I didn't even get a chance to think of my own priority, my exam. All i do is to please this side, offend that side. They told me : ren2 bu4 wei4 ji3, tian1 zhu1 di4 mie4. Maybe that's why... But why can't everybody be a little more understanding, a little more magnanimous. Just a little and the world will be at peace. Everyone just loves attention on them. Everyone. I can take a train from Choa Chu kang to Pasir Ris just so to please a friend and to study the subject she wants, but in doing so, I suppossedly get unreplied smses by a pissed off friend because I cannot split myself into 2. Am I thus at fault? How many smses have I wasted to explain this to A and that to B and being worried of offending everyone in the whole wide world when exam is around and I cannot even study at peace. How is it that i have to report this to A and that to B and my study progress, my tracks, my obligations and my duties? if i did not give a clear explanation, I got another friend to pass the message. I did all my responsibility can do and STILL I piss people off. There is no avoiding and I seem to be the best target.
I guess it's different lifestyle. Once you get out from a certain period and meet new people, your lifestyle inevitably changes. Your perspectives and all, consciously and unconsciously. If such little things cannot be reconciled, then there is really little point in trying hard to stay together. As friends, if you cannot put yourself in people's shoes then there is probably no ending as to the accusations. If every point stated here sounds ironic, you are subconsciously unwilling to reconcile because evryword I say is thrown back.
I understand that everyone is stressed, but why must we pick up little things just so to feel even more miserable in the preparation of exams and all.
I have decided to quit the blogging world.
PS: Bye bye bsea and goog, the only people I got to know through blogging that are not from my sec school or college. Bye bye.
Jacqueline
7:39 AM
