Lost
My inner strength, my anger, my pride...they are all dead the day I lost my dreams. Losing your dream is enough to kill a person mentally. It takes a long time to get out of it. A grown woman doesn't panic because she made a wrong turn. When the road gets too narrow, there is no way to turn around. She simply keeps going until she finds her way again. There is no time for regret, no time to think and reflect. Lost, find your own way.
Daddy and Mummy always bring up an incident that happened when I was 4 years old. We used to frequent the then Sogo shopping centre. I got lost during a visit down there and worried the hell out of my family members. My brother was so worried that he almost cried. They searched the whole level. Daddy spotted me first. Then Mum. Together, they hid behind a pillar and observed me. (Apparently, they find that amusing. I don't.) I was crossing my palm at my back walking around steathily, searching for them. No worries, no tears, no shouts. Then, my brother found me. He, excitedly held my hand and hugged me while I kept quiet. Then I spotted my parents behind the pillar.
That was what they told me. I remember only fragments of it. How did I feel then? Was I really that brave? Where have I gone to? As a little girl as compared to now, I am filld with shame. Where am I?
Standard NCO course: Chosen course ic after Yanlin. Officers said that I was serious and steady. They all thought I know what to do. My voice was loud and firm.
That was what they told me. I remember only fragment of it. I felt shaken then. Nobody realised the change in the frequency of my voice. But, still, I carried out the whole task with no sabotage. Where am I? Where has my voice gone to?
Lost, I lost them all, lost all of them. The pride, the courage, the strength, everything, in a day. The bitter day when I lost my dreams.
Jacqueline
6:34 PM
