Expectations
"Life is made up expectations, everything we do revolves around the word 'expectation' ", my friend Andrew once said. He was one true person whom I met in WSS when I was teaching one and the half years ago. I was almost reluctant to meet him in Coffee Bean then when I got to know that he wanted to preach to me about Christ. I am guilty for I must be the hardest person to convert. My questions and rebutts were endless. I must have been really mean. Thinking back now, what he said did mak sense. Everything we do is linked to it. Our expectations of jobs, of television programs, of life partners, of friends, of families...etc. It never ends. Have you ever wondered how is it that you can be angry at your boyfriend for forgetting your birthday and not your neighbour? Expectation. Or that you are upset for a friend's behaviour at not at the other friend who behaved in the same way? Expectation. I am known for having extremely high expectations. That's why mum says I am never happy. Maybe the demand for high expectation is innate, or I built it due to past failures. Either way, I am trying to control my expectations. Right now, high expectations only hold in certain aspects of my life. I learnt to be more lenient in my judgements. My daily talk with Jasline came upon the topic on cheating men. Jasline was firm in not forgiving him. For me, I was unable to come up with a solution. I cannot forgive, but I don't think I have the strength in me to be that firm. I thought of day and night, but I have no idea how I will react. I am always firm, but what will I do? Florence will slap me to remind me if I immersed too deep into a relationship. That is our pact. But will I still remember this pact when I sink too deep in? What will it be like? I am tempted to lick the forbidden fruit... like how I licked cherries... Haha..
Jacqueline
8:16 PM
