So, I lost that entry. I have decided to give it another go. here it goes...
I have been feeling shaky lately. Unstable, to be more exact. No, I am not going to lament about how life is, how wrong my choices were because I wasn't left with a choice. Just feeling weird, a little isolated, a little lonely. Like my econs lecturer says,"No job=bored=crime". Not to the extent of doing crime, but just feeling weird. Could be a little fear and some anticipatio as to how the future would be like.
I realised that everytime when I am enjoying my life, I would have this natural tendency to feel shaky. Often, I caught myself wondering how life would be like a few months ago when I was in that deep, dark and damp pit and how life would be if I lost what I possessed currently. That's why I am constantly preaching about 'cherish' and 'peace'.
I still feel weird. I walk on the streets feeling my legs too big for my body, feeling stupid as my arm swing along me. In fact, I stiffened up. Maybe I think too much. Maybe I am a schizo. Maybe this is the pre-symptons of mental illness. I feel abandoned.
Jump, jump from the edge of the world and nobody will put a cushion underneath it. My fault, my fault, my fault. Just tell me, let me know. Forget it. Stab me, just stab me. Yeah, you have already done so. But u can on;y stab, not kill because I am still useful eh?
Jacqueline
12:09 AM
