Yooohooo.... Think Mr Teo is the best person in the world. Only he gets me moving. He is always there for me and he signed off as Edmund. There was once he even signed "forever your friend". He even told me to call him by his name. Butr I cannot bring myself do that. He commands too much respect from me. His encouragement helps a whole lot. Even though I felt that God had singled me out from birth to suffer, I thanked him for Mr Teo. Never once had he made me doubt my ability or coerced me to believe in God. All was done to help, to encourage and not to make me go against my belief. Below is what he sent me today.
Dear Jacq,
Once you've embarked on something, don't look back. It will only create doubt and slow you down. You are in SIM pursuing a degree. You are an undergraduate. There are no "buts". There is no need to feel inferior because, as you've said, "It is not like I am ashamed to be in SIM..."
It takes time to make friends, for us to know people and for others to know us. Be patient, things will take their course.
Life is a mad rush for me. But, I'm coping and still enjoying every moment of it.
Got to go now, I'll email you again.
Take care.
edmund
See the point Bey? I will be alright now, future and forever, as long as I have the regular dose or Mr Teo's email. =)
Jacqueline
9:45 PM
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla
Had sometime in K-box with my friends in SIM. Now K-box is giving away free calendars od singers...And there are no more Jay's left. I left earlier as I had tuition. When I was walking past a room, I looked in and saw two guys lying on the sofa hugging each other and singing. I commend then for their courage. Seriously speaking, how many of us can do something that we want to do without caring others opinion. Much as I dream to take revenge, I will never have the courage to do so.
Anyway, I bought a digi cam!!! By far, this is the best thing that had happened to me though I am left with $499 dollars poorer. And I know tha happiest person is Win. She loves digi cam, cam phone... haha.. It's Minolta. Small and good. =) Yah, the outing with Bey would be on next Wednesday. She chose KTV, so we are going to one. No more k box or I will be broke and that would spoil my new computer plan. Think party-world sounds fine. They give you free the next time you visit them. Time yet to be confirmed though. Give me some time. I am left with not much time for myself and the bad weather makes my exercise time so much lesser.
Hope that everyday would be a happy day for all of us.
Jacqueline
1:53 PM
Goth
Which One of the Derranged Powerpuff girls are you? (pics) brought to you by Quizilla
New Year is more or less over and that means Bey is leaving soon. And I will be passing by her place without her in Singapore when I go to school. K, let's go K box one last last last time before you leave for Aust k? i hv this $5 discount card. Not that it is a lot, but the expiry date is nearly up. What do you all think?
The only thing I am glad is that my cousin loves my present. The project shop bag. He said it was beautiful. =) what to do, we girls have great taste. *wink*
Today is an infuriating day. He made all of us worked like cows, fetching his friends drinks, making me make tea, coffee. Coffe with milk and sugar, with no sugar, with no milk.. Bring more curry, bring the sauces, wipe the table... the worst part came when they start singing KTV. It sucks, -Jang Na Ra look-. It's even worse than when Yilin and I imitated Gao Ling Feng in JJ's toilet outside LT 5. I almost fainted. They are all hypocrites. Maybe because they are all business morons. Perhaps I have chosen wrongly, I shouldn't be taking Buisness Admin. i don't wanna be like Them. perhaps I will work harder in Human Resource. Rather major in that. Bad choice! Wait! what am I talking about, what bad choice? I don't even have a choice. I can't choose. I have no qualification. I am useless... I can't qualify for a teaching degree, I can't. Nahhhh... it's ok. I am used to it. Don't feel like blogging anymore.
Jacqueline
5:09 PM
Read this in Chinese and find some meaning in it:
NIAN(2) NIAN(2) NAN(2) GUO(4) NIAN(2) NIAN(2) GUO(4), CHU(4) CHU(4) WU(2) JIA(1) CHU(4) CHU(4) JIA(1) This is my favourite couplet. I find this really meaningful. Not only does it depict how helpless we are in this world, it also shows how life still goes on depite our difficulties. It seems as if someone really understand your pain and sincerely wants you to pull through whatever pain that makes you think of ending your life. I know it's the 2nd day of Lunar New Year but my mood is totally dampened. It's impossible to not get affected taking into consideration how pessimistic I am. I feel that it is impossible to HUI(2) DAO(4) GUO(4) QU(4). When you fail, you fail. Standing up again and conquering your challenge only highlights how you had failed the first time round. Yes it is over, but it will always be there. You can, and must move on, but it is still there. If you can't let go, you will blame yourself on that failure no matter what set backs you meet. if anyone treats me badly, it's because of my inability to do them proud. If anyone doesn't like me, it's because I don't have the ability to move on, to make them respect me. If Dad and his ego problem comes up, it's because of my inability to make him proud of me, to appease his anger. I don't know. I am making myself confused again. I WANT PEACE. WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT GETTING SOMETHING SO SIMPLE? It must be my fault, cos I can't let go of the past. I am left badly scarred. Sometimes i wish myself to vaporise into the air. I think of people's sufferings and I know mine, if it is considered one, is so minor as compared to theirs. I can't deal with failures. I am not happy. I am not. I can't be no matter how hard I convinced myself. I can't do what I like, but at least I am not doing something I hate. I am so average. As my age increases, there seems to be a decrese in my ability to do any and everything. When I was a mere 4 years old, my parents brought me to the then SOGO shopping centre where there were many shoppers. Then they hid behind the partitions while watching my reaction when I was 'lost'. She told me that I didn't shed a tear. Instead, I placed both hands behind me while my eyes scanned the shopping centre. When I spotted my elder brother who ran gleefully to his "long lost sister", I walked slowly to him. As a kid, I was always too calm, too mature, too 'jing', too comrehensive, too alert... All these "toos" led to my grandparents liking my Xin Ying more cos I did not possessed any naivety, any childishness. When Xin Ying left us, everyone was sooooo distraughted. She wa so full of life, so bubbly... I wished I were the one who left. Maybe that would lessen their pain. I am not sayng all these in jealousy, neither am I trying to gain sympathy or trying to be the great sacrificer. I feel guilty for everything that happened to anyone. I need to do everything because I am expected to do them cos I am the mature one. People wouldn't thanks you, wouldn't appreciate because all these are expected. As a child, I could not whine to grandpa, I could not imitate the way Bugs bunny and Tweety Bird speak cos if I do that, they would think I am crazy. I could not dance as I walked when I feel happy, I could not cry or throw tantrums when I was upset cos it's not included in the "expectation package". I grew up non-chalent, reserved, mature, understanding... It's not me but it has become all of me. I always fantasize taking a chopper and chasing ppl that get on my nerves, or jumping down from buildings for the sake of thrill, or even making someone fall by sticking out my leg... pulling the pants of someone I dislike down and run away, laugh like Florence when someone weird falls down, criticise like Yilin and standing up for myself, stabbing Harpal Singh over and over, kicking him in there...digging his eyes... all nasty thoughts that I always discuss with Yunz... Trust me, don't mess with me..
Jacqueline
10:30 PM
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly
ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~* brought to you by Quizilla
There are so many types of people in this world. We are all made up of differnt characteristics forming different personalities under different environment in which we are brought up. while some of us find friends who can click in some ways, partners who can appreciate virtues and accept vices, we also meet people who are completely different from us. Behaviours, traits, habits, expressions... These differences always result in misunderstandings and miscommunication. Sometimes things get worse when there are more explanations. That's why many chose to suffer in silence. Find your aim in life. Before you step into a situation that allows you to have a brush with others, ask youself how you are going to handle it while protecting yourself. Self-protection is not selfish. It is your body, you are responsible for the well-being. Just defend, not attack. Protection means simply to defend. There is no such thing as attack to defend because defend is just to defend. The issue here is not whether you are Hercules or Professor Snape, but the ways in which you defend yourself. To all my friends that have been hurt by ppl's actions, words, expressions or even negliciance, look at it in another way, do not blame youselves or push down your esteem. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. Everything is mixes with different % of this and that. As long as you think happy, you are happy. Cheer up.
Jacqueline
9:56 AM
You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly
everything and is constantly wondering about
what could have been.You're not happy with your
situation and usually blame yourself because of
the bad things that have happened.Cheer up.
What Kind of Smile are You? brought to you by Quizilla
I got a sad smile when doing the quiz. Haha.. quite true actually, I am never the bubbly kind. Mhmm... had been shopping like crazy for these past few days. Busy to the extent that I couldn't find time and opportunity to blog. Then again, here I am, forgoing many things ad blogging. Had a great time shopping with Wee and Carina on thursday. The 2 avid shoppers shopped like things are free. It's hard to believe them. Everything is OK, everything looked cool on me, by the end of the day, the constant edging and urges made our esteem so high that we practically bought everything. Not exactly we, haha.. it's them. Jacq is meticulous, erm...fussy when it comes to choosing things. =P
Then there was this excitement in my cousin and brother. Seriously, I should have drawn out the family tree or create a hotline. Hee hee.. Carina, check my brother out in friendsters. As for my cousin, gotta find out if he is on friendsters. Yeah, and Wee, You are a great girl. I am sure there is someone who has good impression of you right now, so, DEAR CLUBBING FRIENDS OF WEE, PLS DO SOME QC'ing'. tRUST YOUR TASTES. IF U SEE ANYONE ELIGIBLE, TIE THE RED THREAD. HAHA... Ooops, will wee's clubbing khakis read this? Think I am going to leave this msg in their blogs so they know what to do.. haha..
Went with Jia en to shop for shoes yesterday but did not buy any because all that are up to my taste cost $50 or more. Not going to spend so much. Don't really like new year anyway. Hot, with all the relatives asking me about school and all as if they are really concern.. the comparison of cousins as if our lives are entwined, as if I am the measure of standard. Hope things would be alright though. The only thing I am looking forward to is giving Nigel his Project shop bag that is beautifully wrapped in gold with white ribbons that have gold linings at the side. Bought him a swing card too. So cute, I know he would certainly appreciate. Envious Carina? Maybe I should drop your number in the present and make it look like an accident. Nah nah.. he is too smart for that.. haha..
Hope everyone will enjoy their New Year. May all my friends seek happiness, simple happiness in their lives, especially Bey, Yun and Wee. The rest who are enjoying your blissful lives with or without partners, cherish what you have. Be satisfied. Hope this year will be a better year for all of us. Happy New Year!
Jacqueline
2:27 PM
You, my friend are a true individual. You most
likely hate trends and are creative. By seeing
things differently, people either admire you or
think you are a bit strange.
An inspiration to us all,
continue being you!
A Deeper Look Inside Yourself (with pics) brought to you by Quizilla
Mhmm, going to thread my eyebrowns today. Hope the person will be gentle on my very sensitive skin. Read CLEO for the February issue and think it is well -written. That is a breakthrough considering the Jan issue that seemed a little boring. This could be due to the fact that there were no freebies... haha...Nope, actuall the Feb issue is cool. They break from the stereo types that a February issue should be like, there were no hoohas on V day and instead they focused on the advantages of being single. Their fashion tips are more sound as they do not burn a whole in your pocket. Most of all, the articles ar interesting. Especially the one on walking. Seriously girls, you should be an avid walker. It works for all the reasons that you have in mind when you walk. It is always good, spiritually and physically. Take our dear BEY for example, she walked from Westmall to her place in Bukit Timah. I know the satisfying feeling! Even shopping around the whole stretch of Orchard helps. That's what I am going to do later. Will be walking to Wee's place to take a bus with her. Mhmm... Somehow my exercise target and plans never fail to freak her out. So I think I will tell her I walked to her place only when I am reaching her bus-stop. (Unless she on the computer in the morning (chances are low since I bet she would wake up late or just in time to go out)) hee hee.. K, mum asked me to sweep the floor. =( hate sweeping the floor. Let me bargain to help make pineapple tarts instead. gtg... have a whopping weekend!
Jacqueline
8:15 AM
Heaven: You are a true angel. You are destined to
move on to a place where there is no evil, just
people as beautiful and pure as you. Graceful
and classy, an angel like you has wonderful
things ahead! (please rate my quiz)
**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics) brought to you by Quizilla
Jacqueline
2:05 PM
The 4E2 gathering in East coast was fun. Yilin and I got melodramatic when we saw the beach and that set Florence's howl all over the place. We went blading and Florence fell like there is no such thing as gravity in the world. Luck she has the knee guard on. Great food, great time. I was totally speechless when I saw sji song and his girl. Hahahah... It was a blessing that Flo and Lin did not see him then, otherwise we would not have any strength to blade back. That was 2 days before school starts.
Had been a busy week and it's only the first week of school. Hd a great time out on Sunday with the SJ gang. We went to Swensen Holland V to celebrate Ru's 20th birthday. All the while we were there taking photos. Somehow I was quite pissed everytime Sir brought up things regarding SJAB in its present state. I just don't wish to hear anymore stuff about it. I love the memories but I only live in memories as far as SJAB is concerned. I was even more pissed when Sir talked about SJAB-dss in friendsters. It never fails to frustrate me everytime Sir tries to butt in whatever affairs I do for SJAB. Like asking with his authority that SJAB is not 68 years old and who I approved or not. In fact, I have this urge to cancel and abandon the site. As I have said a lot of times, the rigid rules and the old thinking of DSS SJAB autocratic ways will never work. Even after so long the mindset is still there, i hate it to the max. Don't feel like blogging on this topic anymore.
School's great. I studied PSYCHOLOGY today!!! hahaha... Made some new friends. I saw Mary, saw Amy, but I have not spotted Carina yet. Haha... Must formally shake her hand. :p Took some photos with new friends today. Flora, Rena and Jaslyn. Then there are the people from my OG namely Belinda, Mischelle, CHAK, Damien, Benjamin, Xiao Xuan, Jace... Nice people.
Had a GREAT time with Wee, Bey, Flo, Lin and Xu shan. Laughed like crazy. Wee and I had a great time singing Jay's song. JAY RULEZ!!! My best kakis when it comes to Jay and everything personal.. Mhmmm.. Then yilin and I had a great time dancing and doing musical while taking loads of photos. A guy came and ask for Lin's no.!!! Hahaha... laugh till I cry cos we thought he was there to take our order until he asked for Lin's no. and Florence Howl into laughter right in fron't of the guy. No propriety, unlike me who couldn't stop laughing only after the guy left. poor guy, he is going to be the butt of our jokes for as long as we live. He doesn't even know what he had landed himself into the momment he asked for Lin's no..Anyway, it was a great great day. We had dinner in Mac and met Brenda. It was a pleasant surprise. Bey came over and we chat like crazy in between quibbles on Jay. If only Bey stays in Singapore period. ... Haiz... Hope things turned well for her eventually. Thank god she is faithful. Faithful as in full of faith... Bey, you will be alright...ya.. check it out baby!
Jacqueline
2:54 PM
Wow... had been a long time since I last blogged! Mhmm... was too busy. I thought I could slack but the tuitions and schoolwork and revisions (not like I have done) really bore me down. Now you will catch me letting a Whew~ at the end of Wednesday. Today is Wednesday, can't wait to finish the whole day so that I can go out tmr. Girls, our Friday K-time! Can't wait...
I was so tired and busy lasy night! So many homework, I think the Business Stats lectuer must have thought that we are a buch made up of supermen and superwomen. Best part is, she wants us to do in computer. Yah. I logged in... and wrote my blog, check my friendsters... Hur Hur~ Had my first computer lecture yestrday. Holy Shit!!! By the time the lesson end, I was so zonked out that I kept crashing into big-sized guy. Argh!!! And the worst part is I couldn't get the image of bar charts, pie charts, tables out of my mind. And those excel formulae. Please, Kill Me! It was followed by another 3 hr stats. I nearly drift to dreamland if not for the constant nodding off that keeps me awake ironically... When I got home, I tried to rest so that I would have enough energy to give Zhi Hao tuition but no matter how I tossed, my eyes were wide open. Perhaps it is because of Sin Jie'd constant chattering though I could see her effort in trying to keep down her VOLUME. Thank God, Zhi Hao's tuition was cancelled. Even then, I could not finish my homework. Woke up 6.15am to do them. I guess I was too tired yesterday, so full of fatigue that I couldn't sleep, and before I get to sleep, it was alreday 6.15am. Great, I had a bad night and the best part is, i tried to rest just now but I can't. My eyes are super tired but my mind is going at an extremely fast rate.
Going to school later, think I had betta to do the stupid charts, otherwise I would be late. Take care folks, tmr is my free day, I will post. No school on Thurs and Fri!!! Wheeeeeeeeew!!!!!!
Jacqueline
9:17 AM
You're green. You love nature and have a burning
need to always be outdoors. You love birds,
trees, and the Earth. Y-ok.
-x- What Color Do You View Life In? -x- brought to you by Quizilla
My computer is so freaking slow. I am gong to get a new one soon. Dad promises to get a new one for me since we were unsuccessful in going overseas. I told him that getting a brand new computer is li2 suo3 dang1 ran2 de. I have been having trouble with this comp. for very long. Small problems used to irritate the hell out of me and Ken but we were so immune to the problems that now whenever there is connection problem or page display trouble, we simply shrug our shoulders and restart. It can occur suddenly and sometimes I have real short blog entry because I know that something will happen suddenly. Can't imagine wkat would happen if I typed loads of stuff and it cannot be published. most of the time i saved when I am half-way done, which reminds me. -Hold- Although I am very much a patient person as compared to my dear dear friends especially Wee, (haha!) my patience is peanuts to that of my elder brother and my Dad. They are so patient that I feel impatient for them although I may be the test to their patience. They are ever so calm, so peaceful...
Taking the painting of the cornies yesterday for example, they were so meticulous, sticking tapes and handling every stroke slowly like they had all the time in the world. For those who have been to my place, you know the width of my living room... The best part is, we painted rainbow colours. 7 different paint colours around the living room, Each person went for twice, second time for touchup going up and down the chairs as we moved round the living room. Whew, by the end of the day we were so full of fatigue. Anyone who is eager to lose weight, paint your house. You gain two things while doing one. It is really a great body toning exercise. Serious!
Apart from that, I gave tuition to Zhi hao yesterday. I was so super pissed. Zhi Hao is a 100% dreamer. He dreams constantly, sometimes with eyes open, sometimes with eyes closed, and sometimes a few blinks accompanied by an occassional 'huh' to your questions, making you repeat and not getting it in his brain while acting that he is listening. Can't stand it! Really felt like painting his face rainbow colours so that he can enjoy the rainbows while on CLOUD nine! Argh! I told him that he has seriously underpaid me. Twice a week, 4 subjects and $150. If it were JGL she would have kowtow to me and served me dinner with red wine. I told him if he weren't my first student and if not for his mother's sake, I would have dropped him immediately. Finally snapped him out of his "skating around in heeleys" dream... for 15 full minutes. after that, he revert to his old dream self. What to do???
School would be starting this coming Monday. Would be meeting Cheryl later for sushi, 4E2 gathering on Sat (bringing down my blades), and the SJAB gand to celebrate Ru's birthday on Sunday at Holland V. Can visit my ah ma since she lived so near. Gotta see her before school starts. I love everyone so much that I can't gather my love for only one person. Mhmmm... maybe that is why...
Jacqueline
8:27 AM
